Weekend of Horror...

This weekend we got an hour pass so Nathanael could go off the floor and just hangout with family and friends at this massive city they call Children's Hospital. I brought Nathanael's friend Danny hoping to kick start a little more memory for Nathanael. he visit started off great. We went down to the lobby went to CVS looking for dry erase markers for the dry erase board Nathanael has in his room. He had I think a black and a blue one but wanted other colors. Unfortunately CVS didn't have any so he bought a note book to use as a journal because he had filled his other one. Nathanael was told earlier in the day by his Doctor that Children's had done everything the could for him and on Monday he would transfer to McLean Hospital and get ready to transition home. He was clearly becoming more agitated as the conversation went on.I tried to calm him down, support his feelings but also let him know it was okay to be scared but no one  was going to let anything happen to him. Well Nathanael did  what Nathanael does he just passed out mid conversation. This is how Nathanael shuts the world. When he is so stressed is body and his mind fight each other and to stop that fight he just passes out. When he came to he was still very agitated. You have to understand that when Nathanael comes too during these episodes he doesn't always remember what has just happened or in away he does and since being at Children's he tries to flee the nightmare. The first time it happened he tried to break out through the doors. This time he was with me and Danny so when he woke up he ran. Thank God he couldn't leave the building only because of the direction he ran. Picture this....Security is roaming through out the hospital for forty five minutes to an hour looking for him. The head of security said it's time to notify Boston Police. We go back to the floor to call as he picks up the phone he hears the code Nathanael has been found. Great I'm thrilled he says stay here I'll bring him back. The next thing I hear is "Code Blue" being called for where Nathanael was located. You hear all these feet running out side the door and above your head. I'm left there thinking my kid is dead. He finally takes me to the ED. Where Nathanael is unresponsive and having the worst hyperventilation episode of his life. I was able to tell the team what was happening and they were able to treat him correctly. Once he was stable and feeling better he was transferred back to the floor. Sunday came Nathanael called and asked if I was coming in would I bring Sharpies. No problem I get there and can see he is clearly not in a good frame of mind. I got his attention he came right to me smiled because of the markers and almost in a state of panic said he needed to talk to me. We finally found a room where we could be alone and he went right back into the conversation we were having on Friday. I told him everything was gonna be okay tried to talk him down but again he passed out. I went to get a nurse and by the time we came back he was coming around. the next thing I know he goes to the door and tries to break through it. I was asked to leave the floor by the back door and wait down stairs for twenty minutes. I decided to go home because clearly I couldn't keep him calm. Never in my life did I think of myself as being a stressor in my sons life.